It’s okay to appear ambitious. Ambitiousness shows that you’re confident and secure—a leader.
Don’t appear too ambitious; it freaks men out and offends less accomplished women.
Don’t cry, or it will expose you as too weak to lead our fine nation. And, remember, if you cry, then Jesse Jackson, Jr. will accuse you of crying out of self-pity, rather than for Hurricane Katrina victims.
Do cry, because you don’t want to appear unfeeling and robotic; crying humanizes you! And even if you simply well up a bit, they’ll call it crying, anyway, so you may as well let the waterworks flow.
For God’s sake, don’t laugh. Your laugh is a crazy cackle, and whenever you let loose, you’ll be accused of deflecting attention away from an issue you don’t want to confront.
Do laugh, or else people will think you have no sense of humor, and the last president to lack a sense of humor was Nixon—you certainly don’t need that comparison.
Don’t allow fine lines to appear on your face, or Rush Limbaugh, that paragon of GQ handsomeness, will question whether the nation is ready to witness a woman age in office.
Do age naturally, because if you go for cosmetic surgery or even Botox, it will reinforce the perception among some voters that you are not genuine.
Flash some cleavage to remind us you’re a woman.
Cover it up because it’s unseemly for a woman “of a certain age” to dress like a slut.
Wear pantsuits because they make you look both fashionable and authoritative.
Don’t wear pantsuits, because Anna Wintour says not to, and you don’t want to mess with the devil.
Use Bill Clinton to campaign on your behalf because he’s the best there is (or at least he used to be) and people still like the two-for-one deal.
Don’t use Bill Clinton because you ought to run on your own record and, besides, he’s really annoying the crap out of a lot of party leaders.
Refer to yourself as ‘Hillary’ because it makes you seem accessible.
No, refer to yourself as Senator Clinton because it reminds people of your experience.
No, call yourself Hillary Rodham Clinton to show show you maintain an identity separate from your husband’s.
No, call yourself Hillary Clinton (without the Rodham) to show you are committed to your marriage despite all the whispered rumors.
Oh, hell with it, call yourself ‘Hill’. It’s a win-win-win: it makes you one of the gals and it reminds people that you work on Capitol “Hill” and it lets you avoid the whole ‘Clinton’ imbroglio.
And of course no list of advice for Hillary Clinton would be complete without the following: Above all else, be yourself.
